That is NOT what she said.

It took me a while to accept text messaging as part of my life. Basically, it happened when I got rid of my blackberry and added unlimited text messaging to my phone. Previous, I got charged like a nickel per message, so I wasn't so sanguine about it.¹

Perhaps because I'm a tyro, it's still not so easy for me. But I seriously believe it's not just me, but that that the T9 system is making it harder. Contrary to its stated purpose, it constantly suggests the least plausible word possible.

• Today I attempted "Obviously." (Full context: "Obviously, I was a mess at 3am Saturday morning." But that's another story.) What did T9 fill in? First, it proposed "navigator." Then "mathematics." Do people text these terms frequently? Unlikely.
  
• I attempted "rude." T9 suggested "puerile." As far as I can tell, I'm at the curmudgeonly end of the text messaging spectrum based entirely on my insistence on spelling out "you" and "are" and their variants. Though now that I think about it, I'm dying to respond to the next annoying text I get with "Ur abbreviations r puerile."
  
• T9 took my "recall" and gave me "pebbling." I mean, really--"pebbling"? Is that even a word? I had no idea "pebble" could be used as a verb.
  
• "Sexy" and it suggested "sextant." Now this one is inexcusable. Who on earth ever texts "sextant"? In what context would that come up? "I'll be right there as soon as I navigate by looking at the stars using my sextant?"
  
• "Hoon." As far as I can tell, "hoon" is Dutch for jeer. I can't even begin on that.
  

Why, T9? Why do you torture me so? Are you just hoping to embarrass me someday? Like the way that the spell-checker used to automatically change my last name to "Grenadine"?

¹I'll confess this here, because I have nowhere else. I have an ex-boyfriend with no texting on his cell phone plan. He's been annoying the hell out of me lately and it has been extremely hard to fight my admittedly childish urge to send him mean texts at random intervals. So that he would be paying 5 cents each to read, "You mispronounce 'debaucle'!" or "I'm better-looking than you and everyone knows it." or "I won over all our mutual friends... because I'm just cooler." I will also confess that these are the least vindictive of the messages that have crossed my mind.