Sunday, October 28, 2007

Salty Characters I've met in the Great State, #4 in a list

4. Richard Richie, or as I prefer to think of him, "Richie, Rich." I don't think "awesome name, dude" is an appropriate compliment, though I can't say I tried it out. I'd say the high point of our diaglogue was, "Istanbul? That's in... Turkey?" But I can't hold it too much against him, as he was a nice guy and absolutely insisted on buying me airplane drinks.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Salty Characters I've met in the Great State, #3 in a list

3. Hardcore old Texan oil guy who unknowingly dresses like a gay cowboy. The "unknowingly" is assumed. I did not inquire, "Sir, are you aware that your ensemble would be more appropriate to a stage in La Bare than this Luby's Cafeteria?" So, you know, maybe he does know. But seriously, he's old and has the thick accent and everything. And he was talking to my boss. But anyway, he was wearing a pink floral cowboy shirt. With pearl snaps. And a tan kerchief tied jauntily about the neck! What more can you ask?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The meth addict, hands down.

Today, the commonplace mockery of my single status combined with the commonplace mockery of my liberalism when my co-clerk queried: "Of the two criminals sentenced today, which would you prefer to date?"

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I'm not THAT tall, ok?



You know what lines inevitably don't work? Discussion of my height.

Is "Do you play volleyball?" actually calculated to inspired dialogue? No, I don't. In fact, I hate volleyball because despite my slightly-above-average height, I suck at it. Indeed, my slightly-above-average height actually makes this suckage more embarrassing. So thanks for bringing up a sore subject, buddy. Should we talk about basketball too? I love that one.

Even better: "So, ya like tall guys?" Um, really? REALLY? Am I even meant to dignify that with a response? The subtlely pointed, "I don't care about height as long as they've got something interesting to say" is apparently too subtle. Next time, "Generally, yes, you, no."

Granted, club dialogue isn't meaningful dialogue. I know that, believe me, I know. But if you're gonna go lame, at least go with the more generically insipid choices, like Where are you from, What do you do, etc.

Else, go balls-out weird, like "Do my palms smell weird?", "What's your favorite Phil Collins song?" or "Do you know how many insects are in every hot dog?"

That's all I'm saying, is all.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Damn.

It's not clear to me why the employees of nail salons love to ruin my day. But they do.

I truly thought the worst question I would ever get would be the time I walked in and the manager of Rafael's asked if I was there to have my lip waxed. Um, no, I was not. But of course I will now always wonder if I should...

But apparently there is a worse question to ask. "Are you pregnant?" Yes, got that one last night at the Flour Bluffs Nailtime. So while my hands and feet look lovely for my trip to Vegas this weekend, I'm not sure I'll be able to enjoy it that much.

Can't they get the memo that I go to them to feel better about myself? Do I have to go somewhere expensive just to avoid humiliation and self-loathing? And why do I keep paying them? I mean seriously, given the amount of abuse I took from the women at Big Apple Salon, they should have been dressed as domenatrices.

And yet... I keep coming back for more.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Hot or Not?

So I really hesitated to admit this the first time. In fact, I think maybe Christina is the only one I told. But now, I no longer have to be embarrassed about the fact that I a little bit think Ahmadinejad is hot.

I'm sorry, I know. He denies the Holocaust and the existence of gays. And dammit, he's short! Nonetheless, it's true.

But now, the internet has done what it does best: make freaky freaks with freaky interests feel normal. There is apparently a whole community of people with just my strange affection:

Then again, if it's on Daily Kos, it's fine, right? Witness:
"I'm a Jewish lesbian and he'd probably have me killed. But still, the guy speaks some blunt truths about the Bush Administration that make me swoon..."

And USA Today! The Washington Post! It's practically mainstream.

See also, some random blog:
Jezebel, So Is Ahmadinejad Kindof Hot?
Not as reliable as the Washington Post, but I'll take it.

Let me go ahead and offer a small caviat. I think he's only hot in world leader circles. Not in the real world. Like how Noah Feldman is hot in law professor world.

Though to be honest, looking at the photos, they might both be normal-world-pretty-good.

[Please under no circumstances should anyone take this as any other sort of statement of parallelism. As far as I can tell Feldman is actually a lovely person.]