Update on my doppelganger, my (lack of) dating life, my status as a victim, and my concerns about local media

So you may recall my recent(ish... I know I haven't written in a bit) posts regarding my asserted resemblance to Katy Kiser of channel 3 news, as discovered when her (ex?)husband hit on me.

Well now for the rest of the story. So her purportedly ex-husband, a federal agent, hit on me one night at a bar, which seemed fine, aside from the slightly creepy "You look like my ex-wife" vibe, but you know, in Corpus you can't be too choosy.

So the next night, I'm out in d-town, and whom do I bump into, but the same guy, which is again fine, because he smelled very nice and lavished me with compliments. So anyway, my friends and I join him for a drink and then when we decide it's time to go he gives us a ride to my car, because we're parked several blocks away. On the short walk from his car to mine, I cross paths on the sidewalk with a small group of youths, one of whom grabs my purse and they all take off running.

Things were seeming dire, except that my agent friend immediately begins pursuit and manages to arrest them within minutes. Awesome. SO awesome. So we're making statements to the police, at which point the news shows up. (No, not channel 3.) I attempt to avoid being filmed, and thought I had succeeded, but on Monday I was informed by a coworker that she had seen me and though I wasn't facing the camera, she could tell it was me from my hair and "the way I stand like a charlie's angel." (To this day, I have no idea what that means.)

Yes. I was on the news. Though I have never seen the footage, I'm told the voiceover said "Robbed at gunpoint! Luckily, they were with a federal agent." If only my coworker were the only one to discuss said story with me.

But no. That Thursday, I go out for happy hour, and whom do I see there, but Katy Kiser, with aforementioned agent. I attempt to be inconspicuous and avoid, but eventually she comes up to me. And goes on a LONG, drunken, passive-aggressive rambling speech about how when she heard that her husband had saved a couple of law clerks, she just assumed they'd be "dumpy and badly dressed." Then, she informed me, she saw me on the news "with high heels and a halter top" and was totally shocked. This ramble went on for at least five shockingly awkward minutes until I cut her off by thanking her for calling me less ugly than expected. This, I think, was actually the most awkward moment of my life.

More awkward than that Saturday, even, when I bumped into a friend of hers at a party (small world, much?) and was informed (threatened?) about how very married the couple in question continues to be. I think I actually uttered the sentence "I'm the victim here!" but I'm not sure.

So there now seems to be some segment of the CC population that knows and hates me as That Slut Seen Canoodling with Katy Kiser's husband. And I feel that local newscasters are bad enemies to have. (One can imagine, for instance the story lead-in "Theft victim? Hardly. This local law clerk wants to steal your man!" etc.)

YES.

My almost greatness

Rock, Paper, Scissors Finals at the House of Rock. I have not yet been able to find footage of my other recent exploits, captured on the local news, but I'm working on it. (Update forthcoming.) Until then:

One down....

There have always been many unanswered questions. There, I suspect, always will be many unanswered questions about Corpus Christi. Recently, I have faced a rash of people telling me I look like a local newscaster. I scanned the channels, comparing my resemblance to the various blonds. Well, the mystery was solved through a strange series of coincidences last night. Long story short, I met this dude last night and every time he'd step away, his friends would go on and on and on about how I'm so "his type" etc. etc. Well, apparently he's the ex-ish (don't ask) husband of Katy Kiser of Channel 3 News. So I think it's safe to assume that she's my alleged newscaster doppelganger.

Also safe to assume there's no love to be found in corpus.

Dog-napping mayor gets slap on the wrist,

or, The Shih Tzu Hits the Fan, Part 3.

Well, the Puppygate saga seems to be at an end, now that the former mayor of Alice has pled no contest to a Class B misdemeanor of filing a false police report. She's not getting any jailtime, just deferred adjudication.

This comment on the Caller Times site is almost Joycean in its confusing wordplay: "Let the axe mayor keep panchitos fleas to remember him by. She has done enough to in bare 's' Alice."

Overheard in Corpus

1. 

Girl #1 in mall: I really want to go to Express. 

Girl #2: If you don't mind, I'll wait here. My arch-nemesis works there. 

2. At buffalo wild wings (why was I there? Watching the Eurocup final), a long, long tirade about how the third season premiere of Quantum Leap was one of the best season premieres of any show ever. I didn't know it before, but I know now that this is apparently the episode on which the quantum leaper jumps back to his own past and has the chance to save his brother (or something?) in Vietnam. Who knew that anyone, anyone knew so much about Quantum Leap. 

3. Tonight at the grocery store, the greeter came up to me to say, "Wow, you look just like--"

Now, at this point I was fully expecting him to say that I look like one of the local newscasters. Three people in the last two weeks have told me this. Seriously. Unclear if they mean her, her, or her. They're all blond, which seems to be all it takes. ¹  As long as it's not her, I guess it's ok with me.²  Anyway, he did not conclude with any reference to local news. No, the end of his sentence was--wait for it--Aphrodite. Yes, a man in the grocery store told me I look like a goddess. I'm starting to like this place.

¹I know this because the security officers at the courthouse still confuse me and Anne ("the other blond one"). For the record, I'm fairly sure that to her, I'm "the other blond one." I'm not trying to suggest any secondary status for her.

²Now that I look at her, she's not unattractive. She just looks older than me, and I'm getting touchy about that, especially after Sunday when the pedi-cabbers who were all flirty became very un-flirty upon finding out that I'm 29.

Woo. Hoo.

Brief update to state that I won my bracket in the final Rock, Paper, Scissors qualifying round last night, so I'll be competing in the finals. 

In prior rounds, at least a few people attempted decent names: The Handyman, The Handgun, etc. Last night however, perhaps due to the later hour and increased drunkenness, it was just sad. In order to achieve victory, I beat people playing as Ballz and Chimpy. 

Oh Corpus, you disappoint me so regularly. The winner of the first bracket, incidentally, against whom Anne and I will both compete Tuesday, was Titties. She had many male admirers. 

Really, I had only the posse with whom I came rooting for me. And the amazing hostess, Heidi, who is a big fan of mine now that I've volunteered to help her plan a pub night in downtown. Yes, that's right people, I am actually on a Dtown committee. But that's a tale for another day.